the woman in the bar

 A woman is in a bar, 3 men are surrounding her vying for her attention, buying her drinks.

Another man comes in, walks to the bar close to where she’s sitting and orders a drink, he looks her way, smiles, nods and then goes to join his mates.

The woman is no longer interested in any of the 3 men, she keeps looking to the man with his friends. Sometimes he looks over and gives her a nod or flashes her a smile.

The next time he comes up to the bar she ditches the 3 guys and goes over to talk to him. The 3 guys are mad. “All the things we did for her, ugh, us nice guys finish last”

A bunch of women are reading this, sighing, and going yeah. And a bunch of guys are reading this and being mad.

Let me just let you know, if you are mad, you are a part of the problem. If me saying that makes you madder you really are the problem.

Let’s switch to the woman’s viewpoint.

Ugh, I was sitting at the bar and 3 guys were totally in my face, just pushing themselves on me, It was creepy, it felt… slimy the way they were all over me.

Then this guy walks in, he seemed so confident. He walked up to the bar and when he finally turned to smile at me he really got my attention, he got his drinks and walked to his friends. He got my curiosity. I don’t know. Something about him. I kept looking over to him and on occasion he would see me and smile. He finally came back to the bar, I got my chance to ditch those 3 and talk to him. He gave the right vibes, confident and no pressure. I knew I had to get to know him better.

Even in a relationship, there’s a balance. Understand this, overly nice guys finish last and it’s your fault, not hers. Do things for her, love and cherish her. Go out of your way. But make sure you don’t make her feel trapped as you create what’s called covert contracts at her. That’s where you shower her with so much she feels like there is a debt she can never repay. This is the reason for the term “give with no expectation of receiving”. It’s not that you should never want anything but if you are creating these covert contracts you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Getting mad? Triggered? Ready to write a shitty comment? Then just know you are the problem here.

You need to strike that balance. Self absorbed narcissists are assholes, but the overly nice guy isn’t great either.